Saturday, September 20, 2014

Take Care of Yourself, First! Wisdom for Wives & Mommies...

I watched a video clip of Jada Pinkett Smith having a roundtable discussion with her daughter and her mother. Watching the dialogue between these three generations of women was awesome in itself but what stuck with me the most was Jada's response to her daughter's question about being a wife and a mother. In a nutshell, she talked about the importance of taking care of yourself, first! I have heard this several times before but this was a much needed reminder for me. With the non-stop demands of life, it is really easy to lose sight of yourself. When was the last time you did something for you? When was the last time you set some personal goals? When was the last time you actually pursued the goals you set?

This post is not to say that men don't need to practice self-care (because they do) but I believe women are most often the ones sacrificing themselves for their families. As Jada states in the video, it's the messenging that society gives to us as women that makes us feel like we are "bad" if we don't give up everything to make our husbands and children happy. There's a lot of pressure on us! We must beware of such messaging because it can ultimately lead to unfulfillment and regret. I have heard several stories of women who reached a point in their lives where they realized they had raised their children and served their husbands but had not done anything for themselves. How disheartening is that? This can easily become you and I if we don't make our own dreams, goals, and aspirations a priority.

We as wives and mommies must learn to balance taking care of others and taking care of ourselves. Not only this but we must learn not to feel guilty when we do something good for ourselves. I remember when I first had my son, I would literally feel guilty if I went into a store and wanted to buy something for myself! I would immediately think about all of the stuff I could buy for him (but he didn't really It took me a long time to buy myself something without buying him something as well. Honestly, I still do it sometimes. Jada said it well, "When we neglect our own happiness, we start to look for our happiness in others." How often do we look to our spouses and children to make us happy? How often to be get angry and frustrated because they can't fill our void? The reality is that we are responsible for our own happiness.

I encourage you to take your dreams off the shelf, dust them off, and pursue them! You can be a good mother and wife and still have your own personal fulfillment. Learn to incorporate self-care into your daily routine. What makes you feel good? Read a book, get a pedicure, join a gym, go back to school...heck, start a blog! Do something for you! Again, you can not care for others (and be fulfilled) until you first take care of yourself. Doing this will make you a better wife, a better mother, a better YOU!

Jada Pinkett-Smith: Take Care of You, First!

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Beware of Pride!

Tonight, I decided to catch up on my bible reading plan that I started over a month ago! After reading a couple of excerpts, I came across one that made me stop and ponder. The title of the excerpt was "Honesty" but as I began to read the scripture reference, it made me shift my focus to pride.

Proverbs 11:2
"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

After pondering on this for a while, I wrote the following note...

"Pride makes you think more of yourself than you ought to. Prideful people are limited to their own understanding because they aren't open to learning from others or asking others for help. Humility on the contrary births wisdom because it makes you teachable. Humility makes you conscious of your own humanity...your flaws and shortcomings. Pride prohibits you from learning from others and from your own mistakes because it convinces you that you are always right."

The scripture really made me see the value in humility. It also made me evaluate myself and how damaging my prideful ways can be to my personal and spiritual growth. I also realized how we (Christians) minimize pride as if it doesn't displease God. Pride is a sin and the bible (particularly the book of Proverbs) warns us repeatedly against it. Pride is defined as "a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit,or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed inbearing, conduct, etc." Pride is really the sin from which other sins are birthed. It was pride that got Lucifer kicked out of heaven. Remember?

I pray this post would cause you to do the following:

1. Read Proverbs 11 for yourself.
2. Evaluate yourself and pray that God would rid you pride.
3. Walk in humility.
4. Download the Bible app (it's pretty awesome!)

Be blessed,
Ghia K.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

The Diary of A Traveling Mom

It's hard enough being a working mom but it's even harder being a working mom who travels! My work in itself is very rewarding but balancing work and home from a distance can be quite the feat. I am extremely blessed to have a very supportive husband and I could not make things work without him! Even as I write this post, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my husband because there are many men who would not agree to be the primary caretaker while their wife pursues her career. Needless to say, my husband rocks! 

The balance of work and home is a challenge but the greatest challenge is feeling like I have to defend being a traveling mom to other people!

The conversation typically goes like this:

Person: So what do you do?
Me: In a nutshell, I travel the state conducting trainings on domestic violence.
Person: So you travel a lot?
Me: Yep.
Person: You must not be married.
Me: I am.
Person: You must not have kids.
Me: Actually, I have a 3 year old son.
Person: *Blank stare*
Me: I have a very supportive husband.
Person: Wow, ok.

What makes me angry is the double standard that exists where it's okay if my husband travels and I'm home with the kids but I'm looked at as a bad mom because I travel for work. Aren't both parents responsible for taking care of the children? Can't a father be just as good of a caretaker as a mother? My husband gets a lot of blank stares as well because he "allows" me to travel...smh!

I miss my family a lot when I'm on the road but I love what I do! At first, I would feel extremely guilty for leaving them but with time it got better. I think any mom would feel wierd being away from home for days at a time. The travel can also take a toll on you overtime but the rewards of the work far outweighs everything else. I can't see myself traveling forever for work but I am glad that I get to experience it at this point in my life. I think the travel also strengthens my marriage because I have to trust my husband completely. I have to trust that he will hold things down while I'm away (and that he will

My hope is that I can be as good of a support to my husband as he has been to me in this season of our marriage. Marriage is a partnership in which each partner contributes what is needed to be a successful unit. So, one partner might meet the need as it relates to taking care of the children while the other meets the need of paying bills... both people are contributing equally but not in the same way. These roles often change through the various seasons of the marriage. For example, you might start off as the breadwinner while your spouse goes to school but then the roles reverse once they graduate. It's all about meeting the need of the family!

I just wanted to share my thoughts with you. I hope it was helpful in some way =)